I got out of the shower this evening and was going about my normal routine of lathering my belly with lotion when I felt my little one give a kick. It had been an hour or so since I’d felt him, so when he gave me that little nudge I thought in my head ‘oh there you are, I missed you’.
That small phrase got me really thinking about what I had just said. I missed him? This little baby inside my belly that I’ve never even met yet? That I’ve never seen and departed with to be able to miss? Yeah, I guess I did miss him. In that short period of time when his kicks were absent, I missed feeling him there with me.
This is my top favorite thing about being pregnant. I love having my baby with me all of the time. I love feeling his kicks and punches, his twists and turns, and even his little hiccups. I love that I get to take care of him. I hold and rub my belly all of the time as if he can feel my embrace. We snuggle at night and I’m always conscious of the fact that I am not alone. I can absolutely understand how some women struggle postpartum with missing being pregnant.
Now, I might catch flak for saying this, but for a long time I did not look forward to being pregnant. Not only did I not look forward to it, I did not want to be pregnant. I knew my whole life that I wanted to have children, I just never had the strong desire to carry them. Somewhat for selfish reasons, such as I didn’t want my body to change, but mainly for the fear I had for what pregnancy would be like.
I always heard horror stories of pregnancy – how terribly sick women were, for months; how much discomfort and pain pregnancy caused: the heartburn, migraines, fainting, back aches, the list goes on and on. Pregnancy terrified me. However, I am so happy that my first pregnancy experience is pleasantly different than what I expected. Of course, I’ve had my share of discomforts, and with three months still left before my baby’s arrival, I’m sure there are even more discomforts to come. But overall, pregnancy has been good to me so far. Good enough to where I’m able to enjoy the experience, and I am so thankful for that, because I know not all women can say the same.
Although I can’t wait to have him here in my arms, I am completely living blissfully in these moments of pregnancy with my little babe. He is my buddy already, and my thought of ‘missing’ him and his kicks reminded me what a strong bond a mother can have with her baby before they even meet.
Are you/have you felt this way during your pregnancy? Did you miss being pregnant after you gave birth? I’d love to hear your experiences!